Zero.

By the end of this post I shall know why i want to start over. I don't think it is running away from my problems (not anymore), but facing them.
My main reason is knowing my flaws and my limitations . I don't want to find an excuse anymore for them . This is who i am: I lied, i always pretended to be something I'm not, I let others tread on me because I was weak, I was blinded by arrogance and fake self confidence. No'actually in their eyes I 'm nothing worthy enough to take into account and I am fully responsible for that .
Now, I have absolutely no friends , no relationships or credibility and the only thing I can do is to start over. A new life without the ones that i hurt and the ones that hurt me is the most real thing I have. The only thing that will keep me company. Every single relationshp will end now . This is my new life . Alone , walking barefoot on broken glass I will be happy.

Party.

I was wrong about me many times, but the most crucial mistake I made concerning my own self is not wanting to face the fact that I cannot be nice and sweet.I am a wild child and I am not gonna hold mysel back ever again. Parties bring out the very best of me/ the very worst of me and I make the very most of them. So why wold I let some fake Politeness outshine my personal best? I am exactly the girl that dances on tables , drinks and smokes, the one you sometimes hate. I am not perfect , nor do I wish to be so. I am just who I am, with my flaws and my passion for life. I wasted so much time as a cold blooded ice princess. Forget abot that girl ! She's dead and burried. Now I'm gonna leave you, cause the party is waiting for me and I 'm gonna make the most of it. Btw, I wish you were here and see the world through my eyes.

Flirting with distruction.

People gossip.Bút people from highschool gossip beyond reason and just make up stuff. Never in my life have i thought that i could be involved in a scandal as a main character. I can't just go in highschool with a disclaimer sign written on my forhead stating :EVERYTHING THAT DICKHEAD SAID IS FALSE! I am mad because the real story is probably my only regret and it has degenerated so badly and was so twisted by ill-minded charcters that now it sounds like a pathetic tabloid article. I wish I could find within the people that matter their faith in me. I don't really know what to do, as this is not a question of my means of persuasion, but only a lame attempt of a guy to fit in. Gossip, gossip ,guys, gossip till you drop or till your lungs explode, cause you can't touch me anymore. Fresh , juicy and bombastic, right up!

On beginnings.

My little innocent vendetta is getting expansive and mean , so I want to put an end to it. I want to start over, but am I really willing to put everything behind , to erase so many lyrics , either sad or joyful? Do I really want give up both that made me cry and the ones that made me laugh?
How much can we forget anyway? Maybe all the fear and the disgust that shattered our being is not to be put away, but to be dealt with. I need something to motivate me. I need a reason to change and to improve. I need you, whoever you are.

I am not going to cry. Or maybe I will. That doesn't even matter now. I've been acting foolishly and invested foolish hope in worthless potential relationships. I can't express in words how bad this makes me feel or how much my vanity was hurt.I just know I have to leave all that behind . This time, though, I will face all my demons and I won't just run away. There are a few things that still matter to me; one of them is the respect I owe to myself. I cannot avoid seeing my whole scenarios shattering or pretend that everything is ok. Because it's not ok; I am not ok.
This failure is not just mine; when my hope broke the entire universe was guilty for making me embrace wonderful illusions. That is all about a virtual developent of the facts , parallel with reality.
Listen, I got your point and I'll try to listen this time .We are not made for each other even if the whole world is trying to prove the opposite. I am just so tired of this , tired of making things happen.I wish I could lay back and let life bring joy and love . Both to you and to me.

To my imaginary reader.

I know that I started this blog a year ago .I don't have many readers , there are no inside jokes between me and other bloggers. I know who I am and I am loyal to myself, so I haven't used propaganda in order to earn views. To be frank, I don't really care if anyone reads my blog and I won't sell my thoughts. I put too much of myself in these lines and I do not intend to become commercial.
Today , I went from bad to worse:I was furious , I was weak, I was sad. Why the fuck do I care so much? Why do I invest so much in people who do not deserve it? Then I wanted to experiment something different: you take away my fashionable clothes, my makeup ; dressed down and potentially vulnerable. Is there something left? Am I worth less now?
This experiment turned out to be very positive . It inspired me to change.
Everything you knew before you were born is in you. At due time, you will find a weird,playful, wonderful way to find that.

The mind issue

I feel like I'm loosing my mind. Literally. People say I think too much , I listen to way too much music, I read too much . But I've come to a point where , having all my regular excesses cut down, I have to use my mind in at least one noble way. I think about how many phases I've been through, how wrong I was, how many people I've hurt. I've also managed to develop this cinical , introspective , oscar wilde-like self... which is killing the good, positive , sunny part of me. It's the type of personality that I have always been craving, but now I'm not very proud of myself.
Today I lost my bible.
You may use your own concepts as a guideline.
But giving name to your concepts means starting a religion.
Don't dare to do so.